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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Aug 10, 2013 11:32:53 GMT -5
Since it has nothing to do with 40K, I stuck this here instead of the fluff thread. If anyone has some fun little shorts they've written not related to 40K, they can put them here.
This one is intentionally like something you'd find in an old men's magazine. I may even write more with this character if the mood strikes me.
Prologue
Explosions ripped apart the reactor underneath the observation deck above Dr. Masterplan’s volcanic lair as Erikson Eriksonson pulled the Countess von Weiblich along toward the railing, away from the molten hailstones that were setting the catwalk on fire. The evil megalomaniac shook his human fist at the multinational super spy while attempting to unpin himself from the wreckage with the mechanical one, yelling various curses and imprecations in the 12 languages he had mastered, finishing with a simple, “You’ll rue the day, Erikson Eriksonson! I’ll have my revenge!”
Erikson answered without turning, “There are many days I rue, Masterplan, but this day is not one of them. Listen.” The sound of buzzing helicopter blades could be heard fast approaching over the cacophonous din of the lair’s death throes. “Tell me, genius, how does it feel to be outwitted by the world’s greatest lover?”
With that, he pressed the Countess close to his chest, shielding her modesty since her bodice had been ripped open by jagged metal during the first part of their daring escape from Dr. Masterplan’s clutches. The government helicopter had lowered a rope ladder, and Erikson wrapped his free arm around it, flashing a smile and sending the reflection of the setting sunlight off perfect, white teeth up to the pilot as a signal to take off. Physical embodiments of both masculine and feminine perfection shared a passionate kiss while dangling from the ladder like a lure, frustrating the doomed madman even while he was obliterated by the detonation of his favorite volcano lair.
Erikson Eriksonson chuckled at his glorious, even providential, good fortune as he pressed himself closer, harder, drinking deep of Countess von Weiblich’s exotic, spicy scent. This evening was going to be one of the best he’d had in some time.
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Post by cheminhaler on Aug 14, 2013 14:12:40 GMT -5
Dr Masterplan should have had a cat. Maybe a violent, re-animated, mangy cat that attacks intruders to the lair immediately, yelling MREEOW!
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Aug 14, 2013 21:03:27 GMT -5
Done. When next you meet him, he will have something like that.
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Post by cheminhaler on Aug 15, 2013 16:17:03 GMT -5
Next meet him? Does he get cloned too?
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Dec 3, 2014 11:22:46 GMT -5
I found two writing exercise things I did as demonstrations for a student last year, and decided to share them in order to prompt the writing-minded among you to also write something. The first was an exercise to fill both sides of a page in five minutes while using "a teacher, a book, and a death." The second was to take a silly idea that used a made-up compound noun to write for one page in a race. Both of these were completed by the student and myself.
Mary Ann Wilson began her Tuesday with an extra-large cup of coffee. Black, no sugar. She found the bitter taste to be almost as effective as caffeine at preparing her to deal with her class. Mary Ann was a second grade teacher at Newbury Elementary School. She loved her students dearly, but trying to keep them entertained while continuing to teach took a lot of energy.
The students were not the problem, she mused as she started the shower. It was the parents. Somehow, parents had gotten the strange idea that their little darlings were already perfect, and should be given A's just for existing. This was utter nonsense.
The water was steaming hot as she set the empty mug on the vanity before stepping in. No, the children would have to earn their grades, because that was how the world worked. That's what she had done, that's what the parents had done, and that's what would be expected that they had down once they moved to third grade. Mary Ann considered good assignments for homework over Thanksgiving break. She settled on a book report just as she finished drying her hair. MacMillan's Space Adventure would be a good one that was right at their level. It was also one that she could ask parents to help with since she clearly needed to remind them that raising the kids was their job. Hers was only to teach - she couldn't force knowledge into those miniature heads.
After getting dressed, she grabbed her lunch and headed to her car. Mary Ann Wilson, age 38, elementary teacher, died tragically on the way to school on November 20th in a car accident.
There are such things as catfish and dogfish. There's even a seahorse. Why is there no such thing as a manfish? Not some fantasy wonder like a mermaid or merman. I'm talking about a full-blown terror of the deep, here. Like, a human face - with teeth - on some hideous fish body! It would hop up on beaches in the tropics to terrorize tourists and locals alike with its poisonous bite. Some would even have the intelligence to follow people back to hotel bars. How's that for a drunken date? There's no more fearsome predator than man, and no more fearsome beast than the manfish. Imagine it!
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Post by Paimon on Dec 3, 2014 18:19:03 GMT -5
Oh but there is a man fish, but he's kind of less predatorial than you'd like:
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Apr 29, 2015 5:36:23 GMT -5
This being the log of the most glorious ship Astronomibon
Day 1 I am Swamps. It is my unfortunate duty to carry vital information about the rebellion back to Federation headquarters. I've been given command of the Astronomibon, a normally unmanned vessel. That makes it sound a little bit more grandiose than reality – I may have simply stolen a drone shuttle since it was handy, and I'm in a bit of a hurry. I haven't even had time to rechristen the ship. Let's hope I don't blow myself up with the jerry-rigged weaponry I've installed. I'm no mechanic. I'm Swamps.
Day 2 Uneventful. I managed to get all the ship's systems working properly. Setting course for Alyrix 3.
Day 4 I arrived safely, proving that the FTL drive on this bucket works. I found what looked like a refugee ship, and attempted to hail them to offer assistance or make a trade. It seems that it was a cheap ambush attempt by pirates. This is why we can't have nice things. I had to explain with my weapons that they'd made a mistake. During the fight, they did manage to lance the drone bay. Fortunately, Lucy was able to repair the damage. Lucy is one of my repair bots. I'm starting to like her. It. I'm starting to like having it around. For repairs. Oh, and I got the pirates to surrender a bunch of stuff in exchange for the trouble they caused.
Day 7 While plotting my course forward I noticed a distress signal behind me. *sigh* So now I have to escort this ugly tube of a transport back to where I was headed. I suppose it's just as well, they paid in advance.
Day 9 Another pirate. The rebellion really opened the floodgates for piracy and general thingyishness. This one never even landed a hit; I'm getting a little better at flying my ship. The outrider gave me some supplies, and we parted peacefully. I'll admit to cursing at him under my breath as I did so, however.
Day 13 Well. A rebel scout found me. I may be getting better at piloting, but the computer can't quite hit a nimble target on its own. It escaped, and I have no doubt that I need to go much faster.
Day 15 And to that end, I've hired a gunner. Tai Yi. I hope he doesn't squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. I hate that.
Day 16 I'm so mad right now. Tai Yi is avoiding me. Even Lucy seems to avoid me. I tremble with rage to think of it. That transport we've been escorting was a lure for a rebel trap! Not only that, but a capable ship was waiting at the destination for us, and the transport had gotten to see me fight and knew my weaknesses. It took both repair drones, Lucy and Ethel, to hold the Astronomibon in one piece while my hired guns and myself finally brought the rebels to their knees. I ignored their hails for surrendering. I collected a lot of decent scrap material from the wreckege. But I'm still mad.
Day 20 Tai Yi and myself have finally recovered from our wounds of the last battle. And we also found a secret Federation cache of supplies in an asteroid. So I'm not angry anymore. Once we get a chance to repair the ship, I may even be almost happy.
Day 30 We got slightly lost. When we came out of FTL, we were somewhat... proximate to a pulsar. Along with another of those rebel scouts. What he was doing, I'll never know. He wasn't the talkative type before he exploded. Lucy was particularly resplendent during the battle, fixing everything so quickly. So perfectly.
Day 32 There is still good in this galaxy! Near the sector beacon, there was a station where an eccentric old man lives who gave me, for free, the schematics for some... thing. I think he was a crazy robotics professor. It may be some kind of point defense drone. If I can't figure it out, I can always sell it. Now we head to Driya Sector. Even before the rebellion, it was of a criminal inclination. At this point, it's basically a small nation of pirates.
Day 46 Here we are. All the scum and villainy you could want. We upgraded our shields during the voyage. It may not be enough if we can't find a shipwright. Our hull armor is at dangerous levels. Tai Yi grumbles when he thinks I can't hear about how he's not getting paid enough for this. Only Lucy understands me.
Day 48 It so happens that our next stop had a competent and trustworthy shipwright. We did have to sell the professor's thing and the intruder deterrent drone. If someone boards, I'll have Tai Yi deal with it. I have to fly the ship.
Day 54 We found a gypsy fuel peddler. Good prices, but we don't need fuel. We also don't have money.
Day 56 Fate is a curious thing. A research ship offered us a gift to support the Federation. The gift was the very same drone plans that the professor had given us. Perhaps I'm meant to have it.
Day 59 I'm not a fan of nebulas. Nebulae? Whatever. Not a fan. The Astronomibon has very limited sensors as it is, with all that soup outside, everything gets very difficult. We almost didn't see the pirates in time. Those boosted shields came in handy.
Day 60 The fool who put a sector beacon in a nebula should be shot.
Day 72 We are now in somewhat respectable space again. I know this because some very nice people gave us quite a sum of money and supplies to aid our mission. It seems that word of my insane mission is starting to precede me.
Day 75 Nothing here but dust. A bit strange. I caught Tai Yi using the seam of the toothpaste tube as a toothpick. I haven't decided on punishment.
Day 80 Finally found a store that sells fuel. Because now I need that.
Day 82 Today is the day that I really started to have hope for the Federation's return. You see, we found a refugee ship being attacked by a rebel fighter, and I decided to intervene. After we destroyed the rebels, we donated supplies and fuel to the transport since they essentially had nothing, not to mention their ship was a wreck. I simply felt that it was good karma to help them, since we'd been given nice and unexpected help in this sector. They upgraded our medbay in exchange.
Day 85 Our FTL navigation was slightly off, sending us into an asteroid field of improbable density. It seems this is where the pirates hide in this sector. My fine skills kept the asteroids from sapping our shields while we pounded his ship. I accepted his surrender, although I can't imagine he'll survive. But screw him and the ship he rode in on.
Day 90 Okay, so, Swamps is dead. This is Tai Yi. Swamps just sort of... dissolved from some kinda computer virus. Not 100% on that one. It may have been some weird attack by the ship that stopped us. At any rate I couldn't get past their shields, but they really couldn't do anything to me, either. So I ran away. No point in staying when I can get a ridiculous reward for taking this info back to the Federation base. I'm not going to risk my neck like some kind of idealist like a recently departed drone lover. Ew.
Day 91 I say that, but the first thing I do is run into an automated attack ship. Good thing it was poorly armed. Seems to have been protecting a supply shed on the moon below. More stuff to sell.
Day 93 Rebel frigate was waiting for me. Maybe I shouldn't take the direct route. Maybe Swamps was smarter than he looked. I'm actually having a little trouble with him. He's no direct threat, which is why I can take a time-out to write this. I just can't seem to get past his shields. His stupid little shield drone exploded! I have him now. Wait, he has more of them. I got past it! I wrecked his shield generator! Haha, a few blasts into him and he surrenders. Coward.
Day 96 More upgrades to the shields from parts I found in an old naval battle site.
Day 97 Bunch of guys wanted supplies in exchange for reactor upgrades. I'd have taken them up on it if I had fuel to spare.
Day 103 This entire sector is inside a nebula. I'm going to try to sneak through it.
Day 104 Bought some fuel and got some repairs. Really wanted to buy one of those shield drones for myself, but they're too pricy.
Day 106 See? You don't have to attack every pirate and rescue everyone. I didn't get shot at at all.
Day 110 Okay, navigating through a nebula sucks.
Day 112 Four assassins from I don't know where teleported onto the ship. It was quite a bit of effort to hunt them all down while keeping the medbay and life support online. I think I've gained a valuable dislike of nebulae.
Day 119 All the repairs are done. I have to admit, there's something great about the way Lucy's so helpful.
Day 120 Location, location, location. This is not the place to peddle random things. How that merchant stays in business, I don't know. Maybe it's a front. I should go before anything else surprises me.
Day 123 So I found a gun. Just, you know... floating around by the beacon. I've decided I hate this sector, but its parting gift is much appreciated.
Day 136 So now I'm in rebel space. Oh joy of joys. And those assassins did some good damage to the hull.
Day 137 I am now out of fuel. Stranded in rebel space. Dare I activate the distress beacon?
Day 138 An automated rebel scout came to the rescue. After I blew it up, it happily donated a small amount of fuel to me.
Day 140 I ran afoul of a real rebel ship this time. I had to take several systems offline to launch an ion drone onto their ship to weaken their shields enough for me to bleed a surrender out of them. I no longer like my idea, but I'm stuck with it now. The rebels know who I am, and I have a bounty on my head. Curse you, Swamps. I'm going to die because of you. I don't know what I'd do without Lucy.
Day 142 Sold Ethel. Needed money for fuel and repairs.
Day 144 So, I found a rebel base. I managed to sneak through unnoticed, mostly because this is a supply hub and not a military installation.
Day 145 Well, I may not have been undetected, since a fighter was waiting for me at my FTL exit. Another hard fight. I need to upgrade the weapons.
Day 147 I found another automated scout. It made decent target practice, and the ship it was attacking thanked me with money and goods.
Day 149 I'm going to make it out of here alive. I didn't expect this. Now to traverse another nebula, and then... well, the next sector after that should be less hostile than this one was.
Day 160 Something in this nebula is making my skin crawl.
Day 162 I've been hacked; my door system is broken, and a ship has appeared. I'm pretty sure it's hostile. Okay, so hostile = yes. Related news: the new gun works great, but it takes a long time to charge.
Day 166 There are things in this place that should not be. There are voices that whisper while making no sound. I try not to look outside for fear of the uncolors that undulate at me with ill intent. Lucy, Lucy! Tell me it'll be alright.
Day 170 A rebel drone ship was doing something in the nebula. Then it decided to attack me. I never did anything to you! Stoppit, stoppit! Surrender to me! I am master of this place, lord of my domain!
Day 173 Who are you, and why do you have such a big ship? You can't shoot me! I'm the master of the Nebula of Dreams! Lucy, arrest them for treason! Lucy? Why aren't you moving? Don't leave me. You can't go. Only you can't go.
Oh. I'm the one that's leaving. This is your fault, Swamps.
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Post by Rolling Thunder on May 2, 2015 14:14:59 GMT -5
Are you playing Elite or what?
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on May 2, 2015 17:38:45 GMT -5
That last thing was FTL.
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Post by Rook on Oct 19, 2015 12:38:02 GMT -5
If Req, you plan to take this writing serious, and you should because you are good at it then I have a suggestion. I highly! Supremely high! Recommend Stephen King's book titled 'On Writing'.
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Nov 2, 2015 9:34:04 GMT -5
I read excerpts from it, I think. I'll have a look at prices and library stocks. Either way, it'll have to wait until I'm back in the US unless the ebook price is really good.
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