Sgt. Rock
Captain
Loungin' like a lizard.
Posts: 231
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Post by Sgt. Rock on Jan 20, 2013 15:13:24 GMT -5
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Post by Soap on Jan 20, 2013 15:20:11 GMT -5
But they where still in there desert armour suits! Give them a break man! It's snowing ffs!
And the divisions Primark is a knuckle head?!
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Sgt. Rock
Captain
Loungin' like a lizard.
Posts: 231
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Post by Sgt. Rock on Jan 20, 2013 15:23:24 GMT -5
My favorite part is the "Tyranid QT-56 battle tank."
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Post by macknight on Jan 20, 2013 15:23:28 GMT -5
i stopped at tyranids likes -273 kelvin...
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Post by Soap on Jan 20, 2013 15:26:41 GMT -5
I stopped at "the division Primark couldn't think beyond 100yards". You know a kitten dies every time someone reads that!
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Post by Paradill on Jan 20, 2013 15:37:36 GMT -5
Ha! My favourite part wasn't even Warhammer specific, the guy is just a douche.
"Damn they're good" apparently easy to earn slightly homoerotic praise from captain lucius, just do your fornicateing job and make sure the weapons switches are all in the 'on' position.
Tyranid battle tanks are officially my favourite type of battle tank. They like it cold.
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Post by Bryant on Jan 20, 2013 17:01:14 GMT -5
I sent him an email.
This kinda angered me.
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Post by Soap on Jan 20, 2013 17:20:06 GMT -5
That's life rule #73 - Do not upset or annoy geeks on the interwebz! ;-)
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Post by Paradill on Jan 20, 2013 17:25:46 GMT -5
Right next to #74: Under no circumstances should you masturbate with your back to the door and headphones in.
And #72: MOVE FORWARD!
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Post by AshotNINJA on Jan 20, 2013 19:15:14 GMT -5
im looking forward to Gw's next release wave of tyranid main battle tanks
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Post by emptyhat on Jan 20, 2013 19:17:24 GMT -5
Meh it's ok to just do something for the fun of it and go with your own little story in your head.
Dude bought a toy and got a quick out of it, gotta be chill with that.
Actually as far as the writing goes it seems like an amusing idea to write a short story about an established universe with nothing but a list of key words. Might make for a good forum competition.
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Post by Ymmot (M.I.A) on Jan 20, 2013 21:31:22 GMT -5
I sent him an email. This kinda angered me. You should take it easy on the nerd rage, you'll be a happier person.
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Post by Julian Sharps on Jan 20, 2013 23:43:28 GMT -5
Right next to #74: Under no circumstances should you masturbate with your back to the door and headphones in. And #72: MOVE FORWARD! Incidentally, #1-71 are also "Move Forward," with varying degrees of emphasis and shouting.
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Post by Ponen19 on Jan 21, 2013 0:07:32 GMT -5
Right next to #74: Under no circumstances should you masturbate with your back to the door and headphones in. And #72: MOVE FORWARD! Incidentally, #1-71 are also "Move Forward," with varying degrees of emphasis and shouting. Except #34...
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Post by dougeye on Jan 22, 2013 6:52:56 GMT -5
i read the first paragraph and the planet was something plucked fromstar gate sg1 and the comanders name just sounds like a random character name from gladiator lol
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Sgt. Rock
Captain
Loungin' like a lizard.
Posts: 231
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Post by Sgt. Rock on Jan 22, 2013 15:42:39 GMT -5
I pretty much am in the same boat as Emptyhat on the whole thing... if the dude had fun with it, good for him! I just thought, from the perspective of someone who actually knows the stuff behind the model, that his fluff was chuckleworthy. Certainly not worth nerdraging and angry emails over; the poor guy wrote that web review two years ago. And honestly, it's refreshing to get a review on the kit itself from a modeler who doesn't play with the toys. The guy works on RC hydroplanes and scale military models, so he's used to either scratchbuilding his nuts or working with top-quality, ultra-realistic kits. What he had to say about the mechanics, fit, and finish of the Land Raider kit was kind of neat, to see from that perspective.
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Post by The Hawk! on Jan 23, 2013 8:51:46 GMT -5
Wow.... Matt Ward negates Fluff Armour Saves... But this guy just got rid of the Invunerable save aswell.... Ouch :/ I literally am left speechless by this.... The 41st Millenium as we know it, gentlemen, is ending....
Dave
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Post by Peter Cooman on Jan 23, 2013 13:55:20 GMT -5
Ah let the boy have his fun For all we know it where battle tanks taken over by means of a long hidden genestealer cult
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Post by Soap on Jan 23, 2013 17:00:09 GMT -5
Well lets turn this on its head shall we. Take that story, and rewrite it to fit with the 40k fluff. Best story gets a cookie!
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Post by Trooper One-Nine-Seven-Four on Jan 23, 2013 17:44:33 GMT -5
Well lets turn this on its head shall we. Take that story, and rewrite it to fit with the 40k fluff. Best story gets a cookie! "Mat Ward said the Land Raider went 'Pew! Pew! Pew!' and everything but the Ultramarines died. Because Mat Ward said that 'The Ultramarines are the bestest!' The end." <.< >.>
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Post by Julian Sharps on Jan 23, 2013 18:42:21 GMT -5
On the first day, Ward said, "Let there be Codex: Space Marines, and let the Ultramarines be remade in My image," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the second day, Ward said, "Let there be Codex: Blood Angels, and let Space Marine players throughout Creation take refuge in the knowledge that Imperial Guard shall not be superior to Space Marines in matters of fighting in the air," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the third day, Ward said, "Let there be Codex: Grey Knights, and let it dominate the metagame throughout Creation by being flexible beyond compare, and all but immune to Crew Shaken and Crew Stunned vehicle damage results," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the fourth day, Ward said, "Let there be Codex: Necrons, and let My mastery of fluff writing remake them into a faction that would hold My interest," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the fifth day, Ward said, "Let there be flyers for the Space Marines, so that My first creation will have an edge against those factions whose rulebooks have been written by My mortal enemies, the demonic Phil Kelly and his hell-spawned archminion Robin Cruddace," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the sixth day, Ward said, "Let me write the rulebooks for the Lord of the Rings expansion game, The Hobbit, so that the works of John Ronald Reuel Tolkien may be improved by My mastery of literature writing," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the seventh day, Ward rested. And the fandom raged.
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 23, 2013 18:53:53 GMT -5
On the first day, Ward said, "Let there be Codex: Space Marines, and let the Ultramarines be remade in My image," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the second day, Ward said, "Let there be Codex: Blood Angels, and let Space Marine players throughout Creation take refuge in the knowledge that Imperial Guard shall not be superior to Space Marines in matters of fighting in the air," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the third day, Ward said, "Let there be Codex: Grey Knights, and let it dominate the metagame throughout Creation by being flexible beyond compare, and all but immune to Crew Shaken and Crew Stunned vehicle damage results," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the fourth day, Ward said, "Let there be Codex: Necrons, and let My mastery of fluff writing remake them into a faction that would hold My interest," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the fifth day, Ward said, "Let there be flyers for the Space Marines, so that My first creation will have an edge against those factions whose rulebooks have been written by My mortal enemies, the demonic Phil Kelly and his hell-spawned archminion Robin Cruddace," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the sixth day, Ward said, "Let me write the rulebooks for the Lord of the Rings expansion game, The Hobbit, so that the works of John Ronald Reuel Tolkien may be improved by My mastery of literature writing," and so it was done. And Ward saw that it was good. On the seventh day, Ward rested. And the fandom raged. This gets my vote.
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Post by Paradill on Jan 23, 2013 19:39:20 GMT -5
Once upon a time in little space Mexico: Captain Fancy pants sat in his Landraider eating curds and whey. Suddenly a beeping sound erupted from the communications console. "Sir! There's a beeping sound coming from the communications console" reported lieutenant Awesomefacé, damn he was a fine officer. Without a word as his groin armour became increasingly tight, captain fancy pants turned to the communication console and pressed the green button marked "answer". "Hello? Captain Fancy Pants, third red fisting company of red fisters, who's this?" Asked the increasingly twitchy tank captain. "Hello Captain Fancy Pants, this is Lieutenant General Amazing Testicles, just a quick call to let you know that an entire battalion of Tau close combat tanks is en route to your location, pincer claws it hung for a fight! Don't let those darn fishies give you what for old chum!" and with that disturbing news, the line went dead.
Quickly jumping into action Captain Fancy Pants turned his space key in the ignition, bringing the mighty Landraider to life. Engines roared and generators began to hum loudly as the vehicle set off towards the enemy.
Several minutes later, Captain Fancy Pants was looking at a view he never thought he would see, at least twelve trillion blood crazed Tau killing machines were floating up the valley on their propellers, evil claws snapping with enough force to crush a man, even a beautiful man like Lieutenant Awesomefacé. "Arm all forward weapons, bring the rotating fish gutter online and get me an answer to 34 across! STAT!" Roared Csptain Fancy Pants to his tank crew. None of the armoured warriors spoke, simply acknowledging their orders with a wiggle of their left legs, which they had to do twice because Gary was out of step.
"Got a lock" said Awesomefacé, calmly turning I his chair to offer a wink to his captain. "Fire at Will!" Ordered Fancy Pants, and the earth shook as the arcane weaponry of his Landraider was unleashed upon the enemy, salvo after salvo of laser beams cut through the air, engulfing the enemy war machines in blossoms of righteous fury. Yet it wasn't enough.
"Generators are overheating sir," Gary reported from his station to the left of Captain Fancy Pants' command recliner "we need to turn them off then on again to reboot the laser feeds" Captain fancy pants simply nodded his ascent before donning his helmet. The seals hissed as his armour pressurised and he turned his head to Lieutenant Awesomefacé. "I'm going outside now" the Vox grille burst out the statement with all trace of emotion removed "and I may be some time." Without waiting for the lieutenants response, Captain Fancy Pants hauled himself out the copula and on to the roof if his Landraider, willing to die rather than let those barbarism Tau bastards get the sucker tentacles on his crew.
From here the sound of heretical xenos chants reached his ears above the din of his engines idling and the generators rebooting as their hum rose to an impressive crescendo. The aliens were coming and they would bring all the unholy might of their god of war. Bill Gates. Captain Fancy Pants spat as he thought the thrice cursed name. Pulling the nuclear pistol from its holster, he aimed it from atop his metal steed shouting a praise to pope John Paul as he squeezed the trigger mechanism.
The delay as the projectile left his pistol and launched through the air wasn't long, but it was enough for Captain Fancy Pants to draw in a sharp breath and brace himself. The projectile hit amidst the bloodyhirsty Tau berserker tanks, detonating with the force of a small star. Immediately spreading out from its initial, too bright impact, the explosion tore through the xenos, vaporising them in one beat of a human heart, less than a quarter of a beat later it his Captain Fancy Pants and his Landraider.
All went black as the force of the explosion hit the captain full on.
The acrid smell of burnt lobster filled the captains nose as he regained consciousness. Good, the fisters would eat tonight. Looking around he realised his tank has been destroyed, rubble was strewn about and mike, the kid on work experience who made decent coffee was attempting to claw his way out from underneath a lascannon housing. Lieutenant Awesomefacé was lying to the left.
Captain Fancy Pants ran to him, picking up his lifeless body as he knelt beside the lieutenant, cradling the beautiful, beautiful officers head in his hands. He would of removed his groin piece if he could have, the lieutenant was still warm. A single, salty tear fell down his superhuman cheek and splashed upon his dead lieutenants forehead.
Then Awesomefacé came back to life because of rainbows and Matt Ward rides in atop marneus Calgar and explains that there is no unicorn but that the journey was the important thing not the destination. Then there are some more homoerotic connotations, write it yourselves I'm tired.
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Post by The Hawk! on Jan 23, 2013 19:55:56 GMT -5
Paradill... You are now my new Board Best Friend! You have no say in this matter, but rejoice in knowing that I think you're awsomesauce! That made me chuckle... As for you Trooper.... You're just made of Bacon, thats still a lotta win ;D
Dave
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Post by Paradill on Jan 24, 2013 3:53:49 GMT -5
And indeed it was so, and Paradill rejoiced in his own awesomesauce.
Sticky.
Paradill
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