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Post by Ymmot (M.I.A) on Jan 4, 2010 22:15:35 GMT -5
Loafing in a divey cantina he sat crumbled over in a booth toward the back and stared off at nothing in particular, his thoughts dulled with numbing boredom as he tapped his foot nervously and unconsciously fiddled with the blaster pistol slung loosely in the holster strapped to his hip. He barely noticed the shape that moved in from his peripheral vision and sat opposite of him but in a eye fluttering blink of recognition he spotted the greasy green bug eyed rodian bounty hunter and lifted his head up suddenly with a quick jerk.
"OH HOLY SPACE JESUS! Whoa...jeez Gui..eh Greedo. Man...don't scare me like that. Thank goodness you're here man, look I got in a bad situation...see Jabba fronted me a whole crap ton of spice, right...like enough to choke that big ass monster thing he keeps down in his basement..whats it called...a freakin' Rancor? Oh man he is totally gunna feed me to that ugly bastard. Anyway...I get the spice...you know what spice is don't you? That stuff from Dune...it's like...sand worm droppings or something. I get the spice and suddenly these Imperial swine douchebags get all up on my tail and start flashing their lights at me. So what would you have done man? Damn right I got rid of the spice, I don't wanna go to space jail for a freakin' slug pimp mobster jack hole!
...
"Guido...are you paying attention?" He sighs to himself then yelps suddenly as his blaster goes off in its holster and the rodian gets toasted right before his eyes. "CRAP!! WHAT THE HELL MAN! Oh no...it uh...jeez my blaster just suddenly went off right there...wow. Greedo I'm sorry buddy...I don't know what to tell you."
He clears his throat a bit and then takes a drink from his glass of water. "Shooting bug eyed aliens isn't a crime around here is it? No? Good. I love this planet..."
Reaches across the table with his foot and unceremoniously pushes the dead alien out of his seat to slump in a heap on the floor.
"Um...Waitress, could I get another glass of water please?."
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 4, 2010 22:51:42 GMT -5
*The space-waitress winks at Lando-Solo-ymmot, and brings him a glass of water. However, she's in the employ of Imperial Intelligence, and the water has a bit of ipecac in it.*
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Jan 5, 2010 7:41:39 GMT -5
"Spambots!" cried Emperor Thunder, as one of the hideous, black creatures whooshed overhead, trailing gibberish and nonsense from it's warty tail. "Kill them! Kill them all!" he said, firing indiscriminately and hitting quite a number of his own side.
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Post by Makarova (M.I.A) on Jan 5, 2010 7:46:34 GMT -5
"Yes, Mr. Requiem, fire the lasers at will. And try not to have the recoil shake us too much this time. I'm a busy woman, and unexpected violent shaking can be dangerous." Lady Vader says with a mutter, striding off to find her Emperor and the sweetass dinosaur.
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Post by cheminhaler on Jan 5, 2010 15:55:52 GMT -5
As the broken tricycle powered away from the Space Raver district of Moss Eisley spaceport, Cheminhaler-3-P-0 looked back towards Luke, who was buried up to the neck in sand. The Tamiwhatchi RoboDog was barking, but now it's batteries were starting to drain, so it sounded hollow. <BARK!> "Will he be alright, sir?", 3-P-0 enquired of Hetlan-wan-Kenobi. "Wait a minute! Hetlan-wan Kenobi? <Squeak!> Master Hetlan-wan Kenobi?" "I think I have a message for you, sir." 3-P-0's Protocol programming must have become flawed. Without waiting for the trike to pull over, he opened the message and light issued forth from his golden mouth. It was a pre-automated projector recording, taken almost 2 months previously. The projector showed a picture of a talking figure. It looked like a talking teddy bear, but Hetlan-wan Kenobi knew it was General Cahuna, of the Ewok / Rebel Alliance coalition. He remembered him vaguely from the days of the Stone War. That was a very long time ago. He looked drained and injured. Cheminhaler-3-P-0 began translating the message. ++..*static* is General *static*. We are on the *static* moon of Endor *static*. The Death *static* is approaching! We are under *static* from waves upon *static* of Imperial Stormtroopers. I doubt we can hold out *static* months. We *static* your help *static* wan Ke*static*++ END MESSAGE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO DELETE/SAVE THIS MESSAGE? WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ON BEHALF OF INTER-DROID MESSAGING FOR CHOOSING THIS SERVICE. GOOD DAY. The message ended and 3-P-0's projector turned off.
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 5, 2010 16:04:58 GMT -5
Luke decided enough was enough and went to the local imperial recruitment centre, Luke stood in the line behind the 4 other applicants, however being tall with blond hair and blue eyes luke was sure he'd pass recruitment.
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 5, 2010 16:21:32 GMT -5
I'm firin' yer lazors, my Lady!
*From my Defender, I hit the remote firing button. It took two months to lube the enormous thing by myself, and I couldn't wait to see what the results would be on this little moon full of plush toys and traitors.*
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 5, 2010 16:33:07 GMT -5
Luke finally got to the front of the queue, "Name?" said the recruiter
"Luke Skywalker"
"why do you want to join the empire?"
"Well i like flying and i hate ewoks"
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Post by Makarova (M.I.A) on Jan 5, 2010 16:46:43 GMT -5
The lubed-up laser left the cannon, and hit the small forest planet like an iron rod in the wrong hole. It exploded in several fractions, throwing bits of teddy bears and rebel scums across the system.
"Well done, Mr. Requiem. Now lube it up and do it again! I want to see it rough!" Lady Vader glees.
On the desert planet, the recruiter adresses Luke.
"Oh really? Most promising recruit I've seen in a while, most of you just come for the booze and uniformed chicks. Go get your gear in the room to the left and then report to Mr. Stamper for a briefing."
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 5, 2010 16:54:18 GMT -5
(Haha... Herr Stamper!) Again? But I just got into my fighter! Wait... My underlings will handle it.
*I got on the comm, and ordered Derricote and Loor to start lubing the cannon.*
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Post by Makarova (M.I.A) on Jan 5, 2010 17:04:27 GMT -5
(He was always awesome.)
"Underlings? How rude. I thought I was the only one supposed to have those. Very well then, order your little mischievous minions to do your work for you!"
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Post by cheminhaler on Jan 5, 2010 17:07:01 GMT -5
*Derricote and Loor were both quite dead, however. The carnosaur had eaten them, and only their boots remained.*
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 5, 2010 17:52:15 GMT -5
Luke walked into the briefing room. A banner emblazoned with the insignia of the 181st Tie-fighter wing hung at one end.
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Post by Hetfiltrator on Jan 5, 2010 20:16:23 GMT -5
As the broken tricycle powered away from the Space Raver district of Moss Eisley spaceport, Cheminhaler-3-P-0 looked back towards Luke, who was buried up to the neck in sand. The Tamiwhatchi RoboDog was barking, but now it's batteries were starting to drain, so it sounded hollow. <BARK!> "Will he be alright, sir?", 3-P-0 enquired of Hetlan-wan-Kenobi. "Wait a minute! Hetlan-wan Kenobi? <Squeak!> Master Hetlan-wan Kenobi?" "I think I have a message for you, sir." 3-P-0's Protocol programming must have become flawed. Without waiting for the trike to pull over, he opened the message and light issued forth from his golden mouth. It was a pre-automated projector recording, taken almost 2 months previously. The projector showed a picture of a talking figure. It looked like a talking teddy bear, but Hetlan-wan Kenobi knew it was General Cahuna, of the Ewok / Rebel Alliance coalition. He remembered him vaguely from the days of the Stone War. That was a very long time ago. He looked drained and injured. Cheminhaler-3-P-0 began translating the message. ++..*static* is General *static*. We are on the *static* moon of Endor *static*. The Death *static* is approaching! We are under *static* from waves upon *static* of Imperial Stormtroopers. I doubt we can hold out *static* months. We *static* your help *static* wan Ke*static*++ END MESSAGE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO DELETE/SAVE THIS MESSAGE? WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ON BEHALF OF INTER-DROID MESSAGING FOR CHOOSING THIS SERVICE. GOOD DAY. The message ended and 3-P-0's projector turned off. Hetlan-wan Kenobi stared at the droid, running over several small children/Jawas and pedestrians. "Weeelll that was completely unhelpful. Of course that never stopped me from arriving in the nick of time." Hetlan-wan Kenobi said and flicked a button that caused the trike to transform into a supersleek Starfighter bristleing with guns. "Is that because you have the power of the Force, Master Kenobi?" 3-P-O inquired "No" He said plainly "I have the power of the plot device."
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Post by Srgt. Master on Jan 5, 2010 20:24:56 GMT -5
Forcing his ship to turn as much as it's considerable inertia would allow, Srgt Master barely evaded a turbolaser round that has nearly burned him from the sky. Unfourtunatly, the round did destroy one of the TIE fighter escorts who hadn't turned quickly enough.
Yelling into his mike, Srgt Master requested "Get me another TIE fighter into my wing! Perferrable someone from the 181st fighter wing! I hear they have piolets with an ounce of skill!"
Almost at once, an officer walked into the briefing room and took Luke, giving him his orders: Fly cover for the 14th bombadier squadron. looking at the new reqruit, the officer gave him the Ignition codes to one of the readied TIE fighters, leaving the kid with the driods that maintained the craft in fighting status.
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 5, 2010 20:31:51 GMT -5
*I pondered this turn of events... my two closest subordinates were killed without even getting any lines, nay without getting screen time! Truly a tragedy...*
You, Jenkins... You're in charge of lubing the superlaser. Get a team, and finish the job.
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Post by Ymmot (M.I.A) on Jan 5, 2010 20:39:02 GMT -5
"Damn...well I guess since I still gotta go pay Jabba for the space drugs I jettisoned out the airlock when I got boarded by space cops I'll have to resort of drastic measures. Like robbing people at gun point."
Nods Thoughtfully as he sips his drink slowly.
"Hmm...this sorta tastes like ipecac..."
Blinks his eyes rapidly. Begins vomiting uncontrollably.
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Post by Hetfiltrator on Jan 5, 2010 20:50:48 GMT -5
Hetlan-wan Kenobi rushed into the bar "Nobody move and nobody gets hurt!" He aimed his rocket launcher at cluster of civilians "Everyone just place your 24-carat space gold bars on the floor.... Except you!" He aimed the myssile at Ymmot "You're cool. We can spilt the money 50/50"
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 6, 2010 5:27:37 GMT -5
Again?! The late-night spam-bot strikes again, perhaps avenging its fallen comrade! Will a mod delete this abomination before some hapless fool clicks its links? Find out! On the next episode of: IGMB!!![/dramatic voice]
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 6, 2010 6:57:35 GMT -5
Luke climbed into his new tie-fighter, sweeeeeeeeeet he thought as he took off to fly against the rebels.
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Post by Cadian 117 on Jan 6, 2010 7:44:18 GMT -5
*random trooper rushes on screen*
"Sir the Rebels launched SPAM BOTS!"
*trooper fires a thousand shot down a hallway, missing, and is shot once and dies.*
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Post by cheminhaler on Jan 6, 2010 12:27:10 GMT -5
3-P-0's noospheric receptors were picking up distress signals from space. The Rebel SpamBots were in trouble.
++massage shanghai++
It could mean only one thing. Abruptly the connection was disrupted and he picked up the signal for local radio station - Eisley's 80s Classics.
++..and in other news the evil Rebel Alliance have claimed the freezing wastelands of Hoth, driving out the Imperial Army and annexing the planet. Rebel Governor Walt Disney was unavailable for comment. Have you suffered from an accident, at work or at home, that wasn't your....++
3-P-O shut off the internal radio and walked out of the back ramp of Hetlan's spaceship/tricycle, closing the hatch on the way out. The ship had landed right outside Moss Eisley Bar (now also with a self service canteen), which was next to GW Moss Eisley.
The bar looked quite full and it sounded like a loud argument was going on.
3-P-O picked up a can of WD-40 from a passing droid on wheels, and walked clumsily over to the bar. Hetlan was pointing a missile launcher at someone and collecting gold bars from the clientele.
The two drinkers next to 3-P-0 looked over at him. The first looked like a humanoid pig dressed in rags. The second had two heads and scaly skin. Pig Face looked at 3-P-0 "We don't like your kind here." Lizard Skin giggled, and said "He doesn't like you. I don't like you either." Pig Face laughed out loud "Droids cannot harm us, anyway. Why don't we kill him?"
Pig Face and Lizard Skin pulled out their blasters, but 3-P-0 was faster, pulling the trigger of his gold-plated autogun, and blasting both of them, the barman and another four innocent drinkers to pieces.
The Tau jazz band briefly stopped blowing their trumpets to look at the carnage, and then started playing another catchy tune.
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Post by Hetfiltrator on Jan 6, 2010 20:02:24 GMT -5
"Tau!" Hetlan-wan Kenobi yelled as he fired off his rocket into the cluster of band members ".....Oh crap..... I forgot I only had one shot....."
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Post by cheminhaler on Jan 6, 2010 20:09:29 GMT -5
"Maybe we should get out of here, sir."
*Grabs Pig Face's bag and throws it to Hetlan*
"Put the gold bars in there, sir."
*re-loads autogun*
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Post by Hetfiltrator on Jan 6, 2010 20:18:43 GMT -5
*Grabs Ymmot by the scruff of his neck and hightails it out of there teking three trips to get everything nice.* "Well now we can go drop stuff on babies..."
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