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Post by The Hawk! on Sept 14, 2012 19:29:51 GMT -5
Hey guys, Dave again.... Right so, cracking on:
Me and this girl called Abi have been really close for about 4 months now. About a month back, we shared the night in a tent and instead of being the usual 18 year old, I decided to just settle for kisses and cuddles all night. Everything was going amazing until another chick turned up on the scene. (Abi is Bisexual) Things started annoying me whe Abi started to blank me when Becca was around, it led to me having a huge fall back into depression, feeling like I wasn't enough, as when Becca wasn't around, Abi was allover me. It went on and on, until my friend said something to her after hearing about it from me and what it had done to me. Abi Imediatley dropped Becca and came to me, and then we didnt talk to eachother for about a week....
And then tonight... We didn't talk all night, until I bumped into her on her way home alone. I was with a couple of friends so I said my goodbyes and Walked Abi as she lives a few streets away from me. On the way she told me she was confused, I got her to open up. The thing was about me and Becca, seeing as Abi has had some bad relationships with guys in the past, and she's closer to me than any other guy atm, but she hardly knows Becca so everything is easier ad less risky. (her words).
Now, I really do not know how to take this :/ I have an idea how to, but I don't know if I should give up that easily :/ She said I'm the nicest guy she'sever gotten close to? I have no idea what to do D: Help please?
Dave
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Post by Major Downer on Sept 14, 2012 20:01:35 GMT -5
IMO: I would just keep doing what you're doing BUT don't start thinking about what could happen between you and this Abi.
You have to wait for her to sort her self out and just be there for her when shes ready, if it doesn't go the way you want it to, don't get depressed, have a good cry, listen to some 30 seconds to mars and get back in the game, because there are plenty of girls out there and you are only 18 dude.
Major Downer
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Post by RedsandRoyals on Sept 14, 2012 20:03:36 GMT -5
Well, this might not be the answer you want to hear, but here it is.
This is her decision.
That might seem a bit obvious, but stay with me. She knows how you feel about her, yes? If not, let her know. Tell her to her face, or put it in a letter if you can't get up the courage to just lay it out there. Make it clear that you don't want her sharing this with others, and tell her you'd still like to be friends at the very least, no matter what. That's about all you can do. Don't force her into a decision, especially right then and there (and make it clear to her she should take her time with thinking about this), and don't punish yourself mentally if she doesn't choose you. Remember that Becca may like her an awful lot too, so she might have been equally stung when Abi went right back to you. The real question is, what kind of expectations do you have with her? Did you think the tent thing meant you were moving past the friend zone?
Now, if she was asking for advice, I'd say she should take the time to get to know this Becca person better as a friend. That way, she won't make a decision she regrets (or is less likely to, at least). Also, she shouldn't make a relationship decision based on who she feels sorry for. It should be who she's attracted to more on all levels. She needs to ask herself what she wants out of a potential relationship, and figure out who will give that to her. That's not really something you can affect, unfortunately.
Now, I will say that if this girl is special to you as a friend, then look at it this way; maybe it's better to want her to be happy as opposed to wanting her to do something that favors you. Just make it clear either way that you still want to spend time with her, and don't want to be shut out again.
Reds
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Post by Ponen19 on Sept 14, 2012 20:14:26 GMT -5
Second everything Reds said. Telling her is your best option, face to face is best (shows committment and that you like her enought to not be scared), but if youd rather not do that, anything but a text message is generally pretty good.
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Post by Rook on Sept 14, 2012 20:21:13 GMT -5
The advice above has been golden. I will add this though;
Dave, you are trying to build a future with this girl. Imagine building a house. A house needs a foundation and foundations take time. If you rush the foundation NOTHING can be built on it that will be worth anything. Relationships are identical.
SHE will let you know what to do next. Remember girls have extra emotions and she needs to sort through those to find a clear answer.
To be honest it is this easy; Don't rush her, always be there for her provided she isn't using you. Simple.
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Post by Woz on Sept 14, 2012 21:00:12 GMT -5
Bi girlfriends sound like fun but it'll be hard to make it work.
She goes out with you but also wants to see other girls, are you OK with that ?
Would she be OK if you see other girls when shes with her girlfriend?
Weird thing is that a couple of Bi friends I know don't wouldn't mind a partner seeing someone of the same sex, (in your case it'd be OK for you to see another guy) but they'd go mental if their partner went with someone of the opposite sex.
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Sept 15, 2012 1:43:59 GMT -5
Bisexual people, we be crazy polyamourists. All of us. Okay, maybe not, but there's a larger percentage of us who are.
If you don't want crazy poly situations with multiple partners, then I would advise that you state this clearly. If she can't handle this, tough. If you think you want crazy poly situations, then I would advise that you lay down the groundwork of the relationship r/e consent, whom your partner can bang/etc and all that good stuff. And above all: COMMUNICATE. Talk about your feelings, about how things make you feel, about hypotheticals, about your relationship, etc.
Also, Rook, guys have emotions a-plenty. I've seen enough relationships to know that the male partner is often the crazy one in the mix, not the other way around. (Actually, in most cases they were both crazy).
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Post by Machine Gun Kelly on Sept 15, 2012 1:51:44 GMT -5
It seems all the sensible advices are already out there so I can only agree.
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Post by Rook on Sept 15, 2012 1:54:57 GMT -5
Also, Rook, guys have emotions a-plenty. I've seen enough relationships to know that the male partner is often the crazy one in the mix, not the other way around. (Actually, in most cases they were both crazy). You are probably right. I know I'm different than most men. I am incapable of separating sex and love for instance. |
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Sept 15, 2012 2:09:18 GMT -5
Also, Rook, guys have emotions a-plenty. I've seen enough relationships to know that the male partner is often the crazy one in the mix, not the other way around. (Actually, in most cases they were both crazy). You are probably right. I know I'm different than most men. I am incapable of separating sex and love for instance. No, no that's a fairly normal association. I have a hard time separating the two myself. |
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Post by The Hawk! on Sept 15, 2012 3:43:18 GMT -5
Thanks for your advice guys  Its much appreciated @major- I went to sleep last night/ this morning with theThis is War album on in my ear phones xD @rt- Why ae you trying to tell me about Bi People RT? I'm Bi mysef  @genera replies- I do undersand I'm only 18.... Probably trying to get ahead ofmyself, but then again, I've been told I am about 25 mentally, not hard to undersand why with half the cack I've been through, but I'm over the majority now Thaks a lot guys, it means a lot you were here to help me when I was drunk last night and got a tad emotional about things. But then again, I couldn't have turned many other places as Abi and I share alot of friends adI don't to risk loseing her completley Dave |
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Sept 15, 2012 4:26:42 GMT -5
@rt- Why ae you trying to tell me about Bi People RT? I'm Bi mysef Your ability to miss blatant irony is a precious gift. Do not ever lose it. |
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Post by Bryant on Sept 15, 2012 15:04:53 GMT -5
You are probably right. I know I'm different than most men. I am incapable of separating sex and love for instance. No, no that's a fairly normal association. I have a hard time separating the two myself. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I got that. |
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Post by Rook on Sept 15, 2012 17:57:34 GMT -5
No, no that's a fairly normal association. I have a hard time separating the two myself. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I got that. OK, what about that did you find funny???  |
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Hookah, S.C.
Colonel
Mostly Harmless
25%
But what if I put more plasma on it?
Posts: 390
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Post by Hookah, S.C. on Sept 29, 2012 23:09:08 GMT -5
GL dave.
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Post by Adam Selene on Oct 1, 2012 7:44:10 GMT -5
Well, this might not be the answer you want to hear, but here it is. This is her decision. Exactly, act the gentlemen, show her men are honourable. Things will work out, that's why she's bisexual, not just a lesbian. |
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Oct 1, 2012 7:52:40 GMT -5
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I got that. OK, what about that did you find funny??? Don't ask me, I was about as serious as I get these days. |
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Hookah, S.C.
Colonel
Mostly Harmless
25%
But what if I put more plasma on it?
Posts: 390
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Post by Hookah, S.C. on Oct 1, 2012 10:07:15 GMT -5
Pretty sure this is just peeps being retarded and thinking 'oh a bi girl must be some kind of sleeper, and can't keep in a normal relationship because she'll want to fornicate all the girls and boys she meets'.
Don't be dense guys.
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Hookah, S.C.
Colonel
Mostly Harmless
25%
But what if I put more plasma on it?
Posts: 390
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Post by Hookah, S.C. on Oct 1, 2012 10:08:16 GMT -5
Double post like a spaz.
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Post by 3ff3ct on Oct 1, 2012 14:28:11 GMT -5
Well, this might not be the answer you want to hear, but here it is. This is her decision. Exactly, act the gentlemen, show her men are honourable. Things will work out, that's why she's bisexual, not just a lesbian. Yet. ;D |
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Its much appreciated 
