Quell The Gang War

[Colonel Grammissar Azalar]

The troop carrier rumbled along, seeming to hit every single pot hole and lump in the road.

Trooper Ripza was sitting near the back of the troop carrier, he would be one of the first out when the unmarked carrier deposited its deadly load into the Lower Plaza.

"You ok over there Ripza?" asked his Sergeant, Sergeant Baker.
"Yeah, Im fine Sarge, im just thinking about what we gonna fo"
"It will all be fine when we get there, we just hunker down and take the Lower Plaza, and hopefully we can just sit it out, keep them Gangs in check"
"yeah, right" thought Ripza "like thats ever gonna happen"

Just then the main doors into the main cabs of the carrier opened up, and thier commander walked into the back cab, the main area.

The back of the Carrier could readily be descirbed as a bus, holding 200 Men, then Heavy Weapons Squads, Special Weapons Squads, and Platoon Commands.

"We have a bit of trouble ahead, I want you all ready to foot it, NOW!" yelled Colonel Commissar Azalar

Then the troop hold was filled with the whirr and clicks as laspacks were charged and slammed into the holds of the lasguns, and as Heavy Weapons were made ready to move. There was a rustle of clothing as straps were checked, Laces tightened, camo paint applied, clocks put on.

Then the firing started. The shots were low charge, zinging off the side of the troop transport, making dents, and a few burns, then a High Powerr bolt slammed though the side and narrowly missed Troops.
The back doors and side doors slammed open, and 300 Odd Troops, all suited for wall, spilled out, into a city, to fight for thier lives, and thier Imperium

[[ More to come, just thought Id write a short start, see what you all though, so like whats good, whats bad, such on?]]

[dethklok]

"We have a bit of trouble ahead, I want you all ready to foot it, NOW!" yelled Colonel Commissar Azalar

Mabye dont put Now in bold and with such feeling. What i mean is that you seem to go from easy to Intense and that just doesn't work like this. Mabye put a pause then "Lock and load." it has the same effect in makeing the reader ready for the next part and it doesn't seem like someone is screaming at you for no reason.

Then the firing started. The shots were low charge, zinging off the side of the troop transport

Mabye word this differently so it flows well such as "Then the firing started. The low charge shots zinging off the side of the transport". just make sure your story flows.

Just then the main doors into the main cabs of the carrier opened up, and thier commander walked into the back cab, the main area.

Ok a tip from one author to another dont use the same word 3 times "Main". and reword this a little so it makes sense and flows. also it doesn't need to be a seperate line unless it is Italics for movement. Mabye say "The main doors of the cab opened up and out walked their commander, stopping at the center of the chamber."

I like how you made the soldiers like more average with their grammer and such.

Other than that i think it is good
Cheers Dethklok ;D

[Colonel Grammissar Azalar]

Ok, thanks for the advice, Ill use it well.

[Colonel Grammissar Azalar]

The squads of men scattered as they leapt out of the troop transport, dashing into alleyways and buildings, to get out of the fire.

Ripza rolled, narrowly dodging a hail of Lasgire. Taking cover in a Guardhouse, he looked out, he could already see the green lasbolts slamming into the enemy lines, while red lastbolts were returned.
"Chaos" he heard from behind, he turned, to see Trooper Mcaf, sliding in a charged laspack
"Huuu?" asked Ripza
"Chaos, I can smell it, Smelt it a thousand time, its the same every time" replied Trooper Mcar, raising his lastgun to aim towards the enemy positions.
Lasfire punched though walls like they were not there,. A lastbolt slammed though the wall, hitting chest of the Sergeant next to him.
The sergeant screamed as he fell, but the medic team was the other side of the road. Ripza ignored the screaming and aimed, taking carful shots.
He heard someone walk up behind him, he knew them footsteps, it was Colonel Commissar Azalar. He excecuted the man, and then tapped Ripza on his shoulder. Ripza suddenly stood up, turned, and salauted to his commander
"Yes Sir?" he said sharply
"Its your lucky day Trooper Ripza, you just got a feild promotion to Sergeant" Azalar said as he bent down and removed the microbead from the Dead Sergeants ear. He handed it to Ripza, who placed it in his ear quickly and without fuss
"I will do you proud Sir" He quickly said Saluting.

After 3 hours of solid fighting, taking few casulties either side, Ripza heard a loud explosion, and then heard of the microbead blaring in his ear "Mortar Position 2 And 3 Have fired, Mortar Position 1 Is ready to fire now"
"Seems they got the Mortars out then, took thier time didnt they," said Sergeant Baker, 3 feet away from Ripza "How you doing commanding a squad then, Ripza?"
"Its going ok, I just have to keep calm and my men will follow me" he lied. He didnt even know who his squad was, right now, they couldnt move.

[Colonel Grammissar Azalar]

After heavy fighting, there was a slow rumble, coming down the road.
"What the Frag!?" yelled an unknown trooper, standing up moments before he was pepped with Red lasfire, spraying the troops nearby him with blood, but they remained focused.
Field Sergeant Ripza poked his head out from his set back postion, where he had placed himself to work out a good strategic plan with the other officers and NCO's
The troop carrier that had transported them to the middle of the Hive City was driving at high speeds towards the enemy lines

He heard chatter in his microbead as people tried to find out what was happening, then the cold and stern voice of the Colonel Commissar was heard
"The troop transport drive has decided to take his life for the good of the Imperium, his truck is laden with Explosives, please make it reaches its destination."
Then everyone moved, getting behind fallen walls, running up stairs to get better shooting postions. The Motar fired ceased.
The truck rumbled along, and was halfway to its destination when the Gangers on the wall opened up, but each shot alerted the Guardsmen to thier location, and each was subject to a barrage of fire.

The truck plouged into the wall, taking out a sizeable chunk in it, and making an opening large enough to storm, then the command came to move into the Lower Plaza "Move!"

A Battlecry rose as they ran, and Ripza, who had never uttered the battlecry, found himself yelling it at the top of his voice as he charged the enemy positions, slamming into the Gangers who had managed to move into positions behind the breach, he killed 3 before they had time to react with short swifts cuts with his bayonet

The battle raged on, with close combat being the majority of it.
Sniper fire picked off the Gangers who had been hiding or at heavy weapons emplacments.

Within 37 Minutes of storming the Lower Plaza outer walls, they had taken it, with only 17 Casutlites, 10 Minor and 5 Critical.
Sergeant Baker had charged into an Enemy bunker holding 2 Belts of Grenades and Meltabombs. The blast destoryed the bunker
And Sergeant Fitzsimon took a lastbolt to save his Platoon commader

[[ More to come soon ]]

[Colonel Grammissar Azalar]

4 Days after taking the Lower Plaza, The Cadian 41st, also known as "The Breakers" had built into the Lower Plaza, digging in and readying themselves for the upcoming fight.

The medic building was an old Office block, this was also Command HQ,
The Officers Mess hall, and the Makeshift Armoury.
They were here for a long time.

Trooper Mcaf scooted over towards Feild Sergeant Ripza
"Hey Sarge, want a Lho stick?" He said as he removed one from the pack, and light it, taking it deep into his lungs.
"No thanks, You shouldnt smoke them either," Ripza said as he leant over, and flicked it out of Mcafs mouth "They have Snipers, idiot"

Sniper Johnson looked out across the battlefield.
"Damn Heretics, never happy are they, well they will be when I send them to see thier damned God." he muttered, looking down his Scope, towards the known enemy positions.
He was part of the Vanguard, The scouts, they had gone ahead to get a rough estimate of the enemies numbers, and to get rid of scouting parties.
He called over the Vox Caster, punched in the secure line code and sent his information back to HQ, who sent back a Return message to return to base

While on thier return to base, they kept low and moved fast, not stopping for anything.
They entered a building, as Scout Peterson walked though a door, he was ripped in half by lasfire, before his body hit the floor, The team had scattered, readying thier weapons
Sniper Johnson was about to give the Signal for a Greande, the nchanged his mind, He gave the Signal for a melta bomb, and His Grenadiar removed the meltabomb, Twisted it to activate it, and threw it into the room.
The squad rolled out of the building as it was destoryed, and turned
right, trying to make it back to safe lines, when they saw the enemies Tank Pool.
"Oh god." Said Sniper Johnson, as he looked out across the ammassed armour and Promethium Tanks
"We cant let these tanks get out, we need to destory them" he said
"You realise what you are saying? well be killed if we go into their" someone said behind him
"I dont care! If we let them tanks get into our guys area, they will all be killed, This is War Trooper, Self Sacrafice!" he said, checking his Meltabomb Packs and Grenade pouches

He order everyone to do the same, before dividing them up equally,
They had 9 Men, 4 Teams of 2, and he would go on his own,
He ordered them to attack the Prometium Store, then the Tanks nearer the middle.
They then entered the Tank Pool.

[Colonel Grammissar Azalar]

Sniper Johnson was glad his Lasgun was easily changeable between Sniper and normal Lasgun.
He crouched down low and placed his Remote Meltabomb on the Promethium Tank of a Hellhound.
Looking at the Chaotic Markings covering the proud Aquila on the Tanks, He spat on the floor.
"Chaos Scum, You wont come out of this alive" he thought

He heard crucnching of gravel a few feet away, he dropped and rolled under the Hellhound, hoping the Sentry didnt see either him or the Meltabomb, but he still needed to Elimate this Sentry.
He drew his standard issue Knife and crawled out slowly, Crouched low and stalked towards the Sentry.

The sentry was wearing a Standard issue Imperial Guard Uniform
That of the Interiour Guard of this Hive World.
Johnson slipped towards him, Placed the knife to his neck, and drew it quickly and easily, Spraying blood on the floor

He then had an Idea, He stripped his own uniform, and placed it on the Guard, then got into the guards previous clothes, keeping his own Weapons and Webbing.
He dragged the body towards a Promethium Store, before walking off.

He now hoped he could move around almost unnoticed in the enemies domain, he just hope his own guys didnt attack him from behind.

He checked the time on a watch, seeing he had just 10 more minutes, he finished placing his Meltabombs, and started to move towards his deignated RZ Point.

As he walked towards it, he forgot he was still in the enemies uniform, and didnt realize he was until a Green lastbolt hit the floor 2 feet away, and he heard "Stop, Chaos Scum!"

He stopped and dropped the floor, throwing all his weapons in front of him, and hoped they didnt pepper him.
Trooper Mkal walked over to him, bent down and looked into his eyes
"Frag, Its Sniper Johnson. why in that uniform?" He asked
"Im in it, becuase it allowed my objective, Now, any casulties, I thought I heard fire earlier" He sharply said
"Yeah, we got 3 Men dead, and One Injured" He replied
"Hmmm, We got the Remotes for the Meltabombs?" Johnson asked
"Right here" came the Reply as Scout Ymoz walked up, handing them to Johnson.
"Lets waste them, but we ought to draw back a fair bit before we blow this baby" Johnson said
"Lets go then, We already got a safe way back to our own lines now, found by Ymoz himself." said Mkal

Field Sergeant Ripza was happily keeping watch for the enemies when he heard the almight explosion.
He Microbeaded into HQ
"What was That?"
"That was the Chaotic Tank Pool being Destoryed" came the reply
"Really, How do we know?"
"Sniper Johnsons Squad just checked in, they took out the Tank Pool with Meltabombs, they are on thier way back, Sniper Johnson is in a Chaos Uniform, They have heavy Losses, Makre sure they get back into our lines safely"

[Goddess of Darkness]

I haven't quite finished reading it yet ( got through the first 2 posts) but it is sounding great so far. I will finish reading it tonite when the kidlings are in bed and I get home from work.

[Colonel Grammissar Azalar]

The Chaos Guardsman ducked into a doorway, drawing a Frag Grenade.
He screamed something as he ran out, but it was cut short as the lasbolt periced the front of his skull, slamming out the back, showering his Squadmate in a gore.

"Boom, Headshot" whispered Sniper Johnson, right before the man to his left opened up with the Flamer, sending searing hot flames gushing out the end, setting alight the other Chaotic Trooper

The were 100 Yards from thier known forward lines when they heard a rumble, they turned and looked in awe.

The Chaos Space Marines were here.

He found the Vox Caster in his hand almost immeditaly, and he sent a message though to his HQ
"We have problems, big, adamantium armoured, spiky problems! There are Chaos Space Marines here!" He yelled into the Vox, before drawing his rifle again, and taking a aimed shot, delivering a Green Lastbolt to the Unarmoured Head of one.
They then turned and opened up with thier Bolters, ripping through the guardsmen as if they were not there, thier bolts slamming into the dirt behind them.
The last thing Sniper Johnson did was Arm a Meltabomb, hoping the Detonation would be timed for when they were close, and that there was a chain reaction.

As the Chaos Marines got close, they stood over the bodies, rolling Sniper Johnson's body over with a kick, they saw the Meltabomb, and turned to run as it exploding, showering them with Shrapnel from Weapons, A Bayonet slammed though the head of one, implaing though his eye, and as he fell he roared, firing off his Boltgun, slamming into his compainions, killing them.

[Goddess of Darkness]

Ok....i finished it and loved it....and that last paragraph is awesome....

[dethklok]

yeah i realy likes it ;D

[Colonel Grammissar Azalar]

Its not the Last Paragraph just yet, but with this finger all manked at the moment, its a little hard to type, i type at about 2/3 of my acctully speed, and i keep missing keys or hitting keys, but I will contiune the story.