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Post by thefishki345 on Jul 25, 2007 4:03:24 GMT -5
hahaha yep, cadian117 doesnt most of the time...
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Post by twerd on Jul 25, 2007 4:22:41 GMT -5
cadian 117 is hes own ig joke
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Post by thefishki345 on Jul 25, 2007 4:43:13 GMT -5
hahahaha true, so true...
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Post by Cadian 117 on Jul 26, 2007 22:56:53 GMT -5
*cries* I knew it wouldnt but i was tired and forgot that i shouldve said that. Its ok it sucks and i know it hehe.........
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Post by Commissar on Aug 26, 2007 17:41:37 GMT -5
LoL, his own IG joke. heh heh.
Umm...
I'm dunno any other IG Jokes...
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Post by Cadian 117 on Aug 26, 2007 19:22:29 GMT -5
lol. I say more but I dont think I wil.............
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Post by twerd on Aug 26, 2007 19:28:34 GMT -5
well if there funny go ahead
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Post by Commissar on Aug 28, 2007 14:22:38 GMT -5
Yes! Talk or I will shoot the puppy.
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Post by Cadian 117 on Aug 28, 2007 19:51:35 GMT -5
Wha? wha?what puppy? Wait no OMG!  |
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Post by twerd on Sept 2, 2007 0:20:19 GMT -5
Commisar release the puppy or i shoot cadian!
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Post by Mabus on Sept 3, 2007 7:10:34 GMT -5
Puppy or Cadain? tough choice!
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Post by Cadian 117 on Sept 4, 2007 13:49:55 GMT -5
*sigh* aww crap! Look just kill me the puppy deserves to live!
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Post by Commissar on Sept 5, 2007 12:12:04 GMT -5
*Smokes puppy with bolt pistol* ...Tell me jokes...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2007 17:34:24 GMT -5
An imperial Guardsman, an Eldar Warrior and a Tau Battlesuit pilot walk into a bathroom. After they finish their business, the Battlesuit pilot washes his hands and says "I use much water, to get clean for the Greater Good." The Eldar Warrior washes his hands and says "I use little water, to conserve for the young races." The Guardsman walks out of the bathroom without washing his hands and says "My dad taught me not to pee on my hands."
Not an IG joke, but it's funny: What do you call a rhino full of Berzerkers? Canned Khorne!
How do you know when a unit of Guardsmen attempted suicide in the face of danger? a REALLY nice tan.
How do you know when a Guardsman has been wasting ammo? Their meals are always hot.
A lord general says to his Regiment's Commissair "Those Kriegers, they're saying 'panzer' an awful lot. Are they riding reindeer into battle?"
You only pay four points for a Conscript because Lasguns aren't cheap.
IG terminology: Laser-Targeted Designator: A squad of guardsmen firing at a tank and praying a guy with a missile launcher will see it.
IG terminology: Defensive Position: Having enough conscripts between you and the enemy.
IG terminology: Medic: The guy in the squad with enough repair tape left over to stick your leg back to the stump.
IG terminology: Drop Ship: The deathtrap that moves you from a bigger deathtrap to Planet Deathtrap.
IG terminology: Leman Russ MBT: A fire magnet that explodes almost immeidately, managing to give the Commissairs something else to look at so you can run and hide.
IG terminology: Sniper: The lucky idiots who not only get to run and hide, but are actively encouraged to do so.
Being at the front of the line has it's benefits. The Commissair will run out of ammo evantually...
When fighting along side the Valhallans, remember: Their Officers' quarters are kept cold for them, not for your beverages.
When fighting along side the Tallarni, remember: Those things on their heads are called turbans, and keep them cool. They aren't diapers. By extension, you should not call them "$#!+ heads."
When fighting along side the Elysians, remember: They're trained drop troops. They don't get to commit suicide by jumping, and neither do you.
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Post by Commissar on Sept 6, 2007 7:37:16 GMT -5
LoL, thats more like it...*Kills cadian anyways.*...*Kills everyone*...
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Post by Cadian 117 on Sept 7, 2007 20:08:22 GMT -5
haha wanna joke.........................................................your face haha. No jk jj dont hurt me! uh ok I will try and think of a joke.............................................Three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducked,
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."
Top 10 Historical uses of the 'F' word . . .
1 . "Scattered f___ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
2. "How the f___ did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
3. "You want THAT on the f___ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where did all those f___ing Indians come from?" - Custer,1877
5. "It does so f___ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "Where the f___ are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
7. "Any f___ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
8. "What the f___ was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "I need this parade like I need a f___ing hole in the head!" - JFK,1963
10. "Aw c'mon. Who the f___ is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton,1997
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Post by Cadian 117 on Sept 7, 2007 20:09:45 GMT -5
DON'T MESS WITH MOM
My son came home from school one day
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'
It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.
And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better know as C.S.D."
Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.
I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."
I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."
He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get
will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?"
from a MOM (Mean Old Mother : )
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2007 23:59:06 GMT -5
There are two guys drinking at a bar that is on the top floor of a 10 story building. The first guy says to the second, "You know when the air currents outside are just right you can jump out the window and hover." The second guy tells him that he doesn't believe him. The first guy say's he will prove it, he walks over to the window and jumps out. The second guy rushes over to the window and see's the first guy just hovering in mid air. After a little bit the first guy comes back inside. The second guy then goes up to the window, jumps out and falls to his death. The barman say's to the first guy "Your a real ass when your drunk superman"
Lol
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Post by Cadian 117 on Sept 8, 2007 14:24:53 GMT -5
Haha nice.
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Post by Commissar on Sept 9, 2007 12:17:13 GMT -5
Hahahaa, I like the one with the blind guy. LoL.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2007 18:03:37 GMT -5
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain
transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile; avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2007 18:06:24 GMT -5
REAL NEWSPAPER ADS
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES...
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat ... been out a while.
Better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1
gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie.
AND THE BEST ONE:
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month.
Wife knows everything.
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Post by Cadian 117 on Sept 12, 2007 18:31:16 GMT -5
lol good.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2007 19:10:26 GMT -5
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the
question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a
female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law
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