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Post by Kaikelx on Jan 3, 2010 22:36:46 GMT -5
*After intro*
Wandering around the halls of the Death Star, I briefly wondered where my parents had disappeared off to.
On second thought, maybe I didn't want to know.
Passing the hanger, I noted that it was surprisingly empty. Hard to believe that there used to be frantic fighting here, what with those stupid rebels trying to board the Death Star. With a ship about a thousandth of the size.
Either way, being the technical son of the Emperor did have its benefits.
Like a nice bed. And a light saber.
Not to mention awesome force powers.
Reaching my destination, I jumped onto the couch and flicked the holonet on. Might as well see what reruns are on today....
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Jan 3, 2010 22:53:16 GMT -5
Within the halls and corridors of the Death Star, there resounded a sound. A sound martial, dark, and fierce, crying out in power and anger, a slow, burning heartbeat of rage that flared like a supernova, the stardust of war flaring in the walkways of power.
The throne of the Galactic Emperor stood, empty, as Rolling Thunder danced, to the music of the darkest heart. In the heart of the Death Star, Black Sabbath played. Nearby, Palpatine's rotten, bloodied head stood, impaled on the haft of a Swiss halberd. They still hadn't got the scorch marks out of the furniture, but the Empire had already adjusted itself nicely, and, as Ozzy had recently sung 'Now the War Machine keeps turning'.
And Thunder approved.
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Post by The Envoy (AWOL) on Jan 3, 2010 22:53:39 GMT -5
"Oi! You're sitting on me!" I yell as Kai jumps on top of me.
It's not everyday that I get to watch the holonet you know, and now with the Emperor's kid running around it made it even harder.
I sit up, "Now, what do you say to the Emperor's personal messenger of pain boyo?"
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Post by Kaikelx on Jan 3, 2010 22:59:13 GMT -5
"I'm sorry..."
Pushing out my hand, I concentrated.
A couch lifted up, and started flying through the corridors, almost running over a few hapless storm troopers, and in moments, another couch was lying on the floor.
"WEEEEE!!!!"
Jumping in the brand new couch, and hearing nothing snapped, I idly turned back to the holonet.
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Post by Cadian 117 on Jan 3, 2010 23:03:59 GMT -5
*the door to the Throne room opens and an Imperial soldier walks in*
"Uh, New Emperor sir, we have a slight problem, the Rebels are attacking.....*sigh*......again."
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Post by The Envoy (AWOL) on Jan 3, 2010 23:16:52 GMT -5
As the trooper enters, the couch containing myself slides into the Throne room.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I yell as it comes screeching to a halt.
I look up and see the new Emperor, "It was your kid again. And by the way, did I hear rebels are attacking!?"
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Post by Makarova (M.I.A) on Jan 4, 2010 4:44:47 GMT -5
Darth Vader comes out of her bedroom. She's wearing a tight latex catsuit, thigh-high boots, a black cloak and a sexy gasmask to help her breath.
"What is this nonsense about? And who the hell allowed Ozzy Osbourne to start squealing on my ship?"
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Jan 4, 2010 5:21:44 GMT -5
"Oh, really?" growled Emperor Thunder, stepping down from his plinth to the sound of 'N.I.B'. "Muster the defenders, and man the barricades."
With this, he ambles over to Dark Vader, tugging the gas mask of her face and giving her a long, soft kiss.
"Morning, dark love."
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Post by Makarova (M.I.A) on Jan 4, 2010 5:36:20 GMT -5
"Morning, sweet violator of the universe." Vader says, murmuring happily as she kisses the Emperor. "But... Ozzy? Dio? Please...?"
Vader pulls her blaster pistol and a lightsaber, and starts to walk towards the imminent attack. She's very grumpy. No one should have to wake up to Ozzy and rebel scums attacking before breakfast.
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 4, 2010 7:06:31 GMT -5
Across the galaxy on a small backwater planet. Luke (yes that's my real name) was slacking off from another day at the farm. Things had been different after he found out the man who he had lived with wasn't his father and some creepy old guy kept following him around.
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Jan 4, 2010 7:44:58 GMT -5
Idly, Emperor Thunder ordered Ozzy off the stage, and Ronnie James Dio back on to it. The effect was....acceptable, he thought, as he searched through his immensely large personal armoury for the Trandoshan heavy slug-thrower.
"Trandoshan energy shotgun....Trando machine pistol....Trando energy stick...."
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 4, 2010 11:40:43 GMT -5
Your Director of Intelligence reporting! It seems the Rebels think they've found a weakness in the design of this battle station. Little do they know I've personally seen to its repair and reconstruction. Also, isn't the heavy slug thrower in that cabinet over there?
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 4, 2010 11:56:44 GMT -5
Luke sat at his personal data computer typing on his blog about how brilliant he though the empire was.
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Post by Makarova (M.I.A) on Jan 4, 2010 12:07:58 GMT -5
Suddenly Luke spots an addon:
Does Your Life Suck? Maybe You Are A Hapless Loser On A Backwater Hole? If so, join the Empire today! New recruits recieve three meals a day, a laser weapon, a kinky uniform and get the sole chance to see the galaxy. Don't hesitate, join today.
The Galatic Empire - For Guns, Girls and Genocide.
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 4, 2010 12:21:38 GMT -5
Unfortunately for Luke the addon disappears. "DAMN YOU FIREFOX AD-BLOCKER" he bellowed with rage
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Post by Rolling Thunder on Jan 4, 2010 13:07:31 GMT -5
"Good work" said the easily-distracted Emperor, who found the slug thrower. It was not a Trandoshan design, rather, an ugly, stamped-metal piece of steel and brass, an antediluvian monster from the depths of time, with a wolverine's snarl and a rate of fire of 1,200 rounds a minute.
"Let's go a-huntin" said Thunder, shouldering the MG42.
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 4, 2010 13:14:54 GMT -5
In his frustration Luke decided to go out in his speeder. After getting a six pack of space beer he drove to the dune sea.
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Post by The Envoy (AWOL) on Jan 4, 2010 14:22:12 GMT -5
"So, Mr. Emperor sir, where are we off to?"
He was hoping for somewhere warm this time. That last trip to Hoth was a real female dog and a half. Not only were there no rebels, but he had to bludgeon a weird cat monster thing to death on three separate occasions.
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 4, 2010 14:42:26 GMT -5
The Rebels are amassing on the forest moon of Endor. They're forming an alliance with living teddy-bears. There can be only one solution, my Lord...
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Post by Makarova (M.I.A) on Jan 4, 2010 14:47:04 GMT -5
Vader mutters something about false alarms and possible plans to have the responsible royally raped, but realises she'd better suit up again before she chokes. Gasmask on.
"Teddy-bears, you say? Why the hell would they do that?"
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 4, 2010 16:35:16 GMT -5
I'm the head of Imperial Intelligence, not the savant of dumb ideas. We have weapons capable of cracking a planet to boulder-sized chunks... I say we use it.
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Post by cheminhaler on Jan 4, 2010 16:50:02 GMT -5
This planet was bad!
The only thing Cheminhaler3-P-0 could see in all directions was desert, sand, sandstorms, grains of sand, sand lodged in awkward places, more sand and Jawas who offer to clean people's floating car windows.
"Oh dear!", he said in exasperation. "Where is that other robot? What was my mission here? Where are the Adeptus Mechanicus, and why aren't they oiling me? I can speak seven million languages and understand the protocols and mating rituals of over ten bazillion million different alien cultures - the Yuan-ti, the Ewoks, the Jabbas, the Sand People, the Water People, the Mickey Mouse Lookalikes and the randy Jawas."
Accessing his memory stick he saw that he had 2000 unread intergalactic mail messages. Most of them were from Imperial Robots.org, saying he needed to report back to headquarters for immediate dismantling, to make way for a glorious new wave of Cataphract- class Imperial robots with heavy bolters and twin power fists. There was no more need for Protocol droids they said. Tech-heresy they said... There was another message, but he couldn't access it at this time. The sand was playing havoc with his mem-stick.
What was the other robot's name? Who was Master L<squeak>? What was his mission? Why was that growing crowd of Jawa types looking at him? Why was he in a desert? Cheminhaler3-P-0 was very confused.
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Post by Makarova (M.I.A) on Jan 4, 2010 16:54:45 GMT -5
I'm the head of Imperial Intelligence, not the savant of dumb ideas. We have weapons capable of cracking a planet to boulder-sized chunks... I say we use it. Normally I'd tell you to find out, since you're supposed to be the one doing that here, but frankly I don't care. I mean, grizzy bears or gummi bears could've been a threat, but teddy bears? No, blast them to kingdom come and be done with it. I have better things to do than be some kind of war leader here. *marches back to her bedroom*
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Post by ElegaicRequiem on Jan 4, 2010 17:02:13 GMT -5
*Presses fist to chest.* My Lord... uh, or Lady! Whichever you prefer!
*Leaves to lube superlaser.*
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Post by Laughing Man on Jan 4, 2010 17:05:25 GMT -5
Luke chugged one of his beers and then fuelled by alcoholic bravery did a barrel roll is his speeder.
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